I keep on getting stronger.

Soon enough I will be able to face myself again.

Time can destroy but also heal.

Fear can kill but still rescue you.

Wounds will hurt like hell, but it remind you.

You are alive.

Soon enough will someone find me.

A survivor.

A broken warrior.

A lost soul looking for a home.

Until then I just need to get stronger.

Keep it together.

Remember what I am waiting for.

Turn the other cheek,

To those who leave me.

I will get through this..

I will..

Nothing really changes around here. You'll get used to it.

I have no words for the moment.

Nothing to write about, nothing to feel.

Time itself moves as always, but I stand still.

I have no reason to move on. 

Or I don't see the reason atleast..

Back when I was younger, this would freaked me out.

End up crying in the corner for hours.

But back in reality, a long sigh is what would come out.

The world moves on without me.

And I don't see the reason to catch up.

Maybe something is missing, maybe not.

It dosen't really matter anyway.

I won't change the fact that I am more dead than alive.

As said, I don't have a reason.

You get used to depression.

To pain and torment.

To what ever you suffer from.

Start living with the fear on your back,

And that's okay.

I keep on forgetting and I am thankful for it.

Words and thoughts. I was never really more than that.

I don't feel anything.

The world is a lonely place. Even if I realise it or not.

It takes time to see. It takes time to notice.

And I have always been a bit slow at these things.

Ofcourse it would only be a moment before I realise but,

It's hard to accept loneliness.

It's not a choice, and it irritates me.

It annoys me that everyone seems to turn the head and walk away.

Won't listen, won't answer, won't see.

I guess it is only right to blame myself,

I mean, something wrong must I have done.

I am used to hated, I am used to be bullied, I am used to be thrown away.

But I am not used to be left alone.

Where do you turn, when your friends don't see you?

Or where do write, when no one reads?

Ah, I feel lonely.

But I guess I just need to deal with it!

in my own way..

Don't take my kindness for some obsession.

Take your shit and leave if you are not pleased.

You learn to let go after a while. 

But it was never something I enjoyed.

These years have been a theif.

They have taken what mattered the most to me.

My confidence, my mood and my ability to even speak.

But mostly, my feelings for the one I loved the most.

I adapted, became someone to survive.

Changed my behavior, my looks.

I forgot my name, my place in this world.

Ironic, but I never forgotten hers.

Somewhere deep inside,

I knew I had to keep her there.

Inside my memories she couldn't get hurt.

She would never be able to take harm from me again.

Still, I have a little metal box,

With letters and memento's from her.

I keep them close, because it is the closest to love I ever will be.

And I hope she know, even if she feels all alone in this world.

There is someone out there.

Having a thought about her.

Hoping she is doing okay.

My secret? I carry a light stronger than any hate you given me.

I am struggle to be one of many.
I fight to become one of society.
I get strangled by my own anxiety.
Trying to find a light in this poetry.

Never feel the regret you gave me. 

Never forget the pain you inflicted upon me.

At some point I learned. The demons was always in my head.

I know the damage but don't feel the pain. 

I gain reasons but loses hope.

Wishful thinking is one thing. Reality is another.

I wish for a dream, one about love and fate.

Becuase I am loveless and don't have any faith.

I wish for heat but inhales the smoke.

I wish to talk with someone, yet I only hear my own whispers.

I wish to be seen, but feel ignored.

I may be greedy.

But what are you suppose to go,

When the world doesn't care?

Still,

I like to close my eyes and pretend.

Nights next to someone.

That maybe cares.

I tend to get a bit lonely.

I tend to do stupid decisions.

But I can't really change reality,

So I like to pretend.

That you still see me.

I wish to cherish our moments. But overall, I wish to make more.

My ressurection into your arms.

A kind of freedom I have forgotten a long long time ago.

Still the city moves on.

the sound of thousands of peoples minds.

And yet, I am only able to see you.

Hear you.

Think of you.

I wish I could see what little I wonder.

The save and protect what little I care for.

Even if it's just to stand next to her.

See her fight her battles.

And be there when everything is over.

To be able to be,

Just what you need.

Our love for eachother is a bit transparent.

We can't always see it, But we know it's there.

Lying, waiting.

If anything,

I wish to see the stars together again.

They remind me alot of you.

My own constellation.

That's you.

Passion became poison. Love became a loss.

Kisses could kill back then.

A simple touch where a masochistic torture.

Shame-less nights ended in pleasure screams or unbearable silence.

Our love became a poison we drank for months.

Depression sinking in.

Fighting with teeth and claw.

Violence became a second partner.

Killing everything we actually loved.

Break.

Everything ends at some point.

Make it through on our own.

Seeing things in another perspective.

Seeing other persons.

We have heard the warning bells,

And death have taking his toll.

So just shut up and kiss me.

And let us see the end together again.

You are my remembrance. Shards and pieces of me.

I love you.
And I have done it as long as I can remember. 

You are not like others. Never was and never will be.

After all these years, you still make me feel the butterflies inside me.

The sweet voice of yours make me shiver as you whispered.

"I love you dear"

I still remember drawing my finger through you smooth long hair. 

To the point I reached your neck.

And as you quivered by such a simple touch.

And I leaned over and kissed your lips so gently.

Next to you my problems seemed so distant.

I felt needed and loved for the first time in my life.

Our broken glas pieces fitted so perfectly.  

As a puzzle made long before we even met. 

When you slept next to me and I felt your small breath against my chest.

The warmth of your heart, your soul. 

I used to stroke my finger over your cheek, Just to know you were there for sure.

And if you accidently woke up, we would just stare at eachother.

And I promise you, I could look into those blue eyes for hours.

I love you.

And it's not like a petty little romance. I have known this for years.

This is what real love is, where time and space doesn't matter anymore.

Even if we came to the point of hating eachother.

I know somewhere deep within us, we would still end up close to one another.

I wish you would knew this. You almost need to understand this.

There is nowhere in this world I would rather be,

Than next to you again.

I am sure we will be able to meet again, once I make it to your side.

I want to go,

Leave this place behind.

Fly across ocean,

Over the mountains.

I will become one with the earth.

And emerge on the plains of eternity,

To be greeted where the sky meets the seas.

A clear refelction.

Purity.

I won't feel any sorrow,

Nor pain or reality.

I will be free,

The only dream I ever had.

The warmth of the sun,

A small breeze through my hair.

As you take my hand,

And lead me home.

Nothing tells a story like an emotion.

I am a curse, slightly killing everything I ever loved.

And so came the day when the world stood still.

If I could make my heart beat again,

It would be for you.

If I ever could change the way the story goes,

I would rewrite it for you.

But my heart would still beat,

With a small lingering heat.

The day will run red,

And I will remember my own solitude.

The body will crumble and crack.

For the feelings it lack.

But only you will know my love,

Who I sought,

And what I fought.

Heart ache and flowers in decay,

On this lonely valentine's day.

I do not regret it, but I wonder how my life would be without them.

I don't see the reason to show the side of me no one believes exist.

Just ordinary.

Nothing special.

Not even something that stands out a bit.

You would not recognize,

Nor would you care.

It's like a thick smoke infront of me,

My goals and everyday life.

I get caught coughing,

watery eyes.

But for some reason,

It seems like I am the only one,

Only one seeing it..

And as always,

You just can't smile.

Even if you are laughing and having fun,

Something deep within reminds you.

"You are not allowed cheerful times"

One last thought,

Before a ocean of darkness swallows you.

Drowning your mind.

Becomes cold without a reason.

And everything you actually wants,

Is open arms to rest in for a while.

But why would anyone notice?

When I am not able to ask for help?

Remember when our hopes and dreams was with each other?
Yeah, they still are dear.

Vad är det för fel att stoppa tiden när känslor hade betydelse?

Ge mig inte den blicken,

Du vet mycket väl varför jag står framför dig.

Hjärtat startar revolution.
Och du leder striden.

Trash talking,
Sluta sprid rykten om mig nu.
Jag öppnade upp och sade att jag älskar dig,
Ändå krossar du allt jag stod för.
Hatade förstånd och poesi,
Elda upp känslor från en forna tid.

Vad är det för att fel att drömma?
Berätta för mig varför du hade rätt att sparka mig där jag låg?
  Jag skrattar åt idioti och hånar filosofi.
Estetik på en jävla hög nivå,
Jag ska måla över dina sår du gav mig!

Hissa flagorna och sjung min sång,
Och se mig i ögonen en sista gång.
Du som är blott en skugga,
Av mig nu.

I have trust issues.

Livet spiller över för de som inte dricker tillräckligt.

Vi ger bort det vi inte har i vårat ägo. 

Samt sjunger våran klagosång för det som tas ifrån oss.

Älskling, gå i krasch,

Och slit sönder mig där jag står.

Nu har vi skapat en tragedi,

Sätt nu på repeat.

Jag kvävs på min egna ångest,

Då jag aldrig lärde mig att spela ditt spel.

Slå dina tärningar och spela dina pjäser,

Du är drottningen som rör dig var du än vill.

Ängeln som aldrig flög igen,

Disciplinerad och vingklippt.

Tröstar sig mot stadig mark,

Men lycka lär du inte finna igen.

Flicka på andra sidan skärmen,

Du förlorar din pojke.

Du dränker honom i din kvarglömda livsvilja.

    

I am used to your facade, but do you know you are lying to yourself to?

You were there when no one else believed in me.

I am used to the pain, I'm just glad I was able to protect you.

I feel quite nauseous,

Even though I have already thrown up.

My whole body hurts,

It is frail, not a plaything.

The head is still ringing,

Probably a small fracture.

Still,

Bloody lips and cracked skin.

Broken teeth and twisted arms.

All is worth it,

If it was to protect you.

I am still happy,

I was able to do something good in this world.

It brings me a smile,

To know you still stand,

Today.